Nyarlathotep vs. Q
Nyarlathotep vs. Q is a What-If? Death Battle by I'm Lynda. It features Nyarlathotep from the Cthulhu Mythos of H.P. Lovecraft and Q from the Star Trek media franchise. Description Both of these combatants enjoy playing with mere mortals, stirring them up and seeing what they do. But, one does it for fun, and the other is in deadly earnest. When they get together sparks are sure to fly – sparks of cosmic proportions! Interlude Velma Dinkley: Some combatants are powerful, and some are super-powerful. But, there are some combatants who are mega- universally- super-powered, and we are going to find out what happens when we bring two of these beings togethers. Johannes Cabal: The first is that arch-troublemaker of the Lovecraft universe, the Crawling Chaos himself, Nyarlathotep. Velma: And the other is that arch-troublemaker of the Star Trek universe, the ever-unpredictable Q Cabal: I am Johannes Cabal, the Necromancer. Velma: And I am Velma Dinkley, of Mysteries, Inc. Special guest hosts for this special Death Battle. Cabal: Correct. And, it is our job to analyze their weapons, armor and skills to find out who would win a Death Battle. Velma: It really is nice working with you, Mr. Cabal. You’re a nice guy, for a necromancer. Cabal: Yes, I know. Nyarlathotep Velma Dinkley: Before there was anything remotely resembling human beings, there were the Outer Gods, a group of ancient deities who were unbelievable powerful and unimaginably alien. Johannes Cabal: They roamed across the cosmos, doing things beyond the imagination of mortal man, for reasons that we cannot even begin to understand. Velma: And, for some unknown reason, they eventually all fell into a death-like sleep. Their dreams reach into reality to affect our world, usually very much for the worse. Cabal: But, there is one of the Outer Gods who does not sleep, and is not far away, and that is Nyarlathotep. And, while the rest of the Outer Gods are unconcerned with the affairs of humanity, Nyarlathotep loves meddling in the affairs of humanity, much like a school boy using a magnifying glass on a sunny day to fry ants. Velma: Nyarlathotep is also known as the Crawling Chaos, because he is chaos incarnate, and he spreads chaos wherever he goes. He has a thousand forms, because... well, no one knows for sure, but it seems that order and consistency is just something beyond his nature. Cabal: Nyarlathotep is in certain ways one of the most powerful of all the Outer Gods. While they are exiled or asleep, Nyarlathotep serves as their representative to their cults, advancing their agendas and acting as their avatar. Fill the role of an avatar. Velma: He is a power not to be taken lightly. He can manipulate people’s minds up to the point of insanity and beyond, and can even bring destruction to whole planets. Cabal: Another problem is that his thought processes are so alien, so palpably insane, that his motivations are usually beyond understanding. And worse, because of his age and power his plans are often incredibly subtle and of a long duration, meaning that you never see more than a mere fragment of what he is doing. This was a real problem when I myself dealt with him. Velma: Wait! You fought with Nyarlathotep? Cabal: “Fought” might not be the right word in this context. When I was in the Dreamlands, I had to deal with Nyarlathotep, and though I did come out better than most mortals would, I never could comprehend more than just small parts of what he was doing and why. Velma: Jinkies! Cabal: Indeed. Nyarlathotep is a most powerful opponent, and a most dangerous one. Q Velma Dinkley: Q, a simple name for a very complex individual. Johannes Cabal: Q is a member of a race, which is paradoxically also called the Q. Indeed, all Qs call themselves and each other “Q.” But, somehow they always seem to know what they are talking about. Velma: Q claims to have been around for billions of years, and it seems likely true. The Q have apparently been involved in human affairs for millennia, with one Q having been the one to jostle the tree, causing an apple to fall on Sir Isaac Newton’s head. Cabal: The Q can be a playful group, but even their play can be deadly serious. This Q is known to have tormented beings across the universe as a way of studying them. Velma: The Q seem to practically, if not literally, live up to Q’s boast of being omnipotent. He has caused warp core breaches on a whim, can teleport anywhere, can change the orbits of moons with a snap of his fingers, can change things in size down to being the size of atoms, and he can know where anyone is whenever he wants. He has even claimed the power to change the gravitational constant of the entire universe! Cabal: And when Qs fight each other, as they did during their rather dramatic civil war, their combat manifested itself as multiple stars going nova. And when Q fought a deranged, super-charged Q named Trelane, he escaped first into a parallel universe, and later back in time to the Big Bang itself. Velma: It seems that Q’s power is not so much magic as it is a sort of super-science, where he can perceive the fabric of reality, and manipulate it to his own liking. Cabal: But the Q, being a sort of society do seem to have some rules that they follow. At one time, the Q Continuum stripped Q of his powers, and turned him into a normal human being. This seems to suggest that, even if Qs can do whatever they like, they restrain each other from doing what they shouldn’t. If Q has a weakness, that’s what it is. Intermission Velma Dinkley: OK, gang, the combatants are all set, and it’s almost time to end this debate, but first we have a word from our sponsor. Johannes Cabal: I refuse to have anything to do with crass commercialism. Velma: Oh, come on, Johannes, don’t be such a wet blanket. OK! OK! Herr Cabal. You drink wine, right? Cabal: Only the best. Velma: Well, there must be times when it’s inconvenient to take a bottle with you, right? Cabal: Yes. Velma: Well, now you can take wine with you everywhere you go, with Hiney Wines, the fine Missouri wine that comes in a can! Cabal: Are you serious? Velma: Sure! It’s awesome. Wherever you go, you just grab a can out of the six pack yoke, pop the top, and enjoy! Fine wine with you in Bavaria, with you in the Dreamlands, with you in your front garden! Whenever you set out on adventure, you’ll say, “I’m not leaving without my Hiney!” Cabal: Indeed. Velma: Come on, you can’t tell me that that doesn’t sound great! Cabal: Ms. Dinkley... Velma: Come on, Herr. Cabal, you know you want some Hiney. Cabal: Ms. Dinkley, all I can say to you is it is now time for a Death Battle. DEATH BATTLE! Pre-Fight Captain Picard was overjoyed when the priority message had arrived from Starfleet Command. It seemed that an entire solar system had erupted from an inter-phase zone. The system consisted of K-type star, and a Class L or M planet. The system was first discovered by the merchant ship, Emma, which conducted a brief examination of the planet. The ship’s bio-scans had detected no lifeforms, but the planet seemed to be covered with ancient stone buildings and other architectural remains. A cursory examination of the architecture on the planet turned up similarities to those found on the planet of the Guardian of Forever. As such, the Enterprise was ordered to proceed at best possible speed to the Memory Alpha Cultural Institute, pick up three expert historians, and then continue on to the newly discovered world. The last transmission from the Emma had cautioned that the solar system was slipping back and forth between phases, but seemed to be slowly establishing itself permanently in Federation space. After that, there had been no further word received from the Emma. * * * Once the Enterprise had established orbit around the new planet, Captain Picard could not wait to beam down to the planet’s surface, and get a look at what was bound to be the greatest archaeological find in at least the last one hundred years. Command Riker had recommended caution, but Picard had overruled him, and had proceeded to the surface with Commander Data, and the historians named Tranek, Erik Johansson and Anita Smolensky. Commander Riker had stayed aboard ship to search for the Emma. * * * The planet’s sun appeared large and red in the sky, giving the entire surface a blood-red look to it. A desultory breeze blew gritty dust down the abandoned streets, past houses and altars, past arches and monuments, past fallen columns and dried-up fountains. A bit of an old poem leaped unbidden to the Captain’s mind: “The fountains are dusty in the graveyard of dreams / The hinges are rusty and swing with tiny screams.” There was more to the poem, but he couldn't remember it. The party became aware of an odd droning sound filling the air. It was reminiscent of the recording Picard had heard of didgeridoo music from the indigenous people of Earth’s Australia. But the music had an odd, erratic sound to it. It almost sounded as if the instruments were being played by a band filled with insane players. At the request of the Captain, Commander Data analyzed the sound, and declared that it was coming from the north, apparently being produced by the movement of wind through air chambers. The party headed north. * * * The party continued through the streets of the necropolis. The historians had quickly reached agreement that the city that they were looking at had never been inhabited, but that it gave every indication of being a ceremonial center, most likely for the dead than the living. They quickly examined building after building, taking images of writings and petrographs, and other interesting marks on the rock structures. Doctor Tranek became more and more excited as they moved along, appearing almost childlike in his glee. Conversely, the humans in the party became quiet as they journeyed along. Commander Data remained as quiet as always, as he went about his studies. Doctor Johansson broke his own silence to say, “That music is driving me crazy, and the closer we get to it, the worse it gets!” The Captain couldn’t help but agree, but kept his thoughts to himself. * * * Suddenly, Doctor Tranek screamed, when an object flew out of the sky and attached itself to his throat. Data raced to the Kaelon’s side, and grabbed a hold of the thing. When he pulled it away from the scientist, his blood sprayed across the ground, and he collapsed to the ground. Doctor Smolensky pulled out her first-aid kit, but realized that the man’s injuries were too severe for the simple remedies that the kit had to offer. Captain Picard tapped his communicator, and called for the Enterprise, but all that the communication device returned was an odd static noise. The Captain looked at the now strange sky and realized that the solar system had again slipped out of phase. Doctor Smolensky wept quietly as the life fled Doctor Tranek’s limp body. Commander Data finished examining the thing in his hands. “This is a living creature, but one not recognized by our bio-sensors as alive. It seems to be a sort of fungoid creature – capable of movement, but lacking anything that we would recognize as a nervous system.” Picard nodded, and turned to the remaining scientists. “We’ll need to be more careful from now on,” he said.'' “I don’t know when we can return to the Enterprise, but for now, we might as well keep moving.”'' * * * They had continued for another hour, or so, when Doctor Johansson pulled Picard to the side. “There’s something strange going on here, Captain. I can’t explain it, but I’m sure that we’re being watched,” he said. Picard looked at the man seriously, and nodded. “I feel it too. There’s a strange, threatening disquiet that seems to permeate this place.” Suddenly, the air was split by the sound of a scream from Doctor Smolensky. The remaining party hurried over to where they had last seen her, and found where her tracks led up to what appeared to be a dry well. Picard scowled, as he peered into the impenetrable darkness. Something was very wrong here. * * * The remaining three members of the party finally reached the source of the inhuman droning. There was a ring of thirty cyclopean stones, standing around what appeared to be a small temple or mausoleum. Suddenly, Doctor Johansson placed both his hands on his ears, and let out a blood-curdling scream. Before the two Starfleet officers could react, he turned and ran off, back the way they had come. Picard and Data began to run after him, when there was a flash of light, and a man appeared before them, draped in white robes. To Picard’s astonishment, it was Q. Q grabbed the Captain by his shoulders, and looked into his eyes. “Picard, have you lost what little wits nature gave you? What are you doing here?” he demanded. Picard shook off Q’s hands, and shouted back at him. “Q! What is going on here? Is this one of your sick, twisted jokes?” Q shook his head, and looked around. “This isn’t a joke of mine, mon Capitan. This is deadly serious. Your kind won’t be able to deal with this for megenniaMegennium = a period of one million years, as millennium = a period of one thousand years. Megennia therefore means “millions of years.”. You should not be here.” Picard looked at him. “I have no idea what you are talking about.” Suddenly, the music from the monoliths went silent. Q spun on his heals, and faced the building “Too late,” Q said quietly. A black fog began to coalesce over the building. In the center of the fog, a figure of utter darkness began to form. Fear filled Picard’s psyche, and he fought to keep his shaking legs from collapsing underneath him. “Data, what is that?” he called out. “It appears to be...” Data began. And then he stopped. “It...” he began again. “It...It...It...” he kept repeating over and over. Picard looked over at the android, and saw that his head kept moving in rhythm with his voice, as if he was caught in some sort of a mental loop. The figure in the fog became an upright, almost humanoid form. It began to move towards them, bobbing and undulating in a strange way, as if it did not move on solid legs. The fear overcame Jean-Luc, and he collapsed on the ground, a whimpering noise came to his lips that even he could not believe was coming from him. Q turned to the Captain, and said, “Sorry, Jean-Luc, but this is more than you can hope to deal with.” He swept his hand in a brooming sort of motion, and Picard and Data flew off to the side, through a doorway, and into a stone house. A large block of stone flew after them, and blocked the doorway. Picard gathered all of the courage he could muster, and crawled to the doorway. He peered through a crack at what was going on outside. * * * Q crossed his arms over his chest, and placed his hands in the opposite sleeves. The diffuse figure floated up, and stopped before him. “Ahhhhh,” it said in a breathy voice. “One of the *new* gods.” Q rolled his eyes, and looked back at the figure. “Please,” he scoffed. “That whole god-thing gets so old after a few thousand years. We never bother anymore.” The ghostly figure seemed to coalesce into a human-like figure. Tall and with a bald head, but it’s skin was blacker than any human’s could ever be; darker than ebony. It now spoke in a crisper voice; rich and deep, with a commanding tone. “You banished us once from this plane, but we were never really gone. We watched, and we intruded as much as we dared. But you have grown weak, and now you cannot stop us.” “Yes, we’ve known about your vicious little shenanigans, but you never had the power to do anything serious. And as for the Continuum and our allies...well, you may have snuck this little trick through, but we will now slam the door in your frankly creepy-looking faces,” Q answered. “I see no Continuum,” Nyarlathotep stated, his face turning to the left and the right. “Nor any allies. All I see is...you.” While he was talking, Nyarlathotep’s form began to slowly change. His legs took on the look of tentacles, and his arms began moving in a strange, boneless manner. Q looked at the figure, and snorted. “You’re losing control of your morphogenic field. Well, they say that it’s the first thing to go in elderly beings such as yourself.” Tentacles descended from Nyarlathotep’s mouth, and his eyes became almost bug-like. “You still have your wit, but your power ebbs away from you. Your day is over, and it is a new day for the Great Old Ones.” Nyarlathotep stated, his voice now sounding like a human with marbles in his mouth. “Your day was long ago,” Q declared, “and it won’t come back. *You* won’t come back.” The figure before him seemed to collapse to the ground, and it now took on the look of a very large octopus. “Must you keep doing that?” Q asked rolling his eyes. “The creepy theatricality is so out-of-date. Perhaps you can go with that whole red skin, horns and pitchfork look. It was so you.” FIGHT! ' Suddenly an odd crying noise began to fill the air. A humongous black spider climbed over the stone building, and moved towards the two beings. Black hairs covered the spider body, but where the spider face should have been there was instead the head of an over-sized human baby. The face was contorted as it wailed. More crying noises began, and more spider-creatures crawled out of the darkness. Q stepped back and dropped his hands to his sides. ''“How very old school,” he sighed. “I should have expected as much.” He snapped his fingers, and a white light flashed behind him. When it was gone, it left behind a detachment of Klingon warriors. They looked at the spider-things. Some of them growled at the monsters, but all readied their weapons. Then, without a command given, the Klingons surged forward to attack. A Klingon swept his bat-leth through a spider’s foreleg, severing it neatly. Then, he brought the weapon around and stabbed its tip into the monster’s underbelly. The baby-head cried out in pain. Another Klingon swung his Mek'leth at a spider-monster. It blocked the blade with one foreleg, and then circled another around the back of the Klingon’s neck. It pulled the man’s head in, and then the mouth of the baby-head opened outrageously far, exposing a huge mouth full of shark-like teeth. In one quick bite, it bit off the warrior’s head and swallowed it. Blood sprayed from the decapitated neck, and the warrior’s body collapsed onto the ground. Across the field, the two sides meleed, with no mercy asked or given. Klingon blood and spider-monster ichor puddled on the ground, around severed limbs and unmoving bodies. Still the survivors warred on. In the center of the action, Q and Nyarlathotep stood facing each other. Q sighed. “Pretty pointless, wouldn’t you agree?” he asked. Q lifted his hand to chest height, but nothing happened. A look of determination crossed his face; he made a fist, and then jerked his hand up. A flash of white light filled the field, and when it was cleared, the Klingons and spider-monsters were gone as if they had never been there. Q thrust his right palm towards Nyarlathotep. The Great Old One flew backward into the stone building, and collapsed. Q waved his outthrust hand to the left, and a stone obelisk crashed down onto him. Black smoke boiled out from below the stone, and coalesced back into a jet-black human, wearing an Ancient Egyptian headdress. Nyarlathotep raised his arms towards the sky, and suddenly a great bolt of lightning flashed down, engulfing Q. Q raised his hand over his head, and pushed back against the cascading energy. The energy slowed and then stopped. Q shook his hand, flexing his fingers as he did so. “That was not too bad. But, what do you think of this?” he asked. He thrust both hands at his opponent, who shot backwards into the building again. Q made his hands into fists, and then pulled them towards each other. Nyarlathotep writhed and bent, a look of pain on his human-like face. He bent low to the ground, and suddenly, his form lost all solidity, and black smoke seemed to spill out across the ground, like spilled water. Surprise flashed across Q’s face. He moved his arms, as if pulling things in from the left and right. Obelisks and stones flew in, and crashed into the ground across the smoke, but the smoke riled on, flowing towards Q. The smoke engulfed Q, and he turned into a column of blazing white energy. The black cloud of Nyarlathotep surrounded Q’s column, and black explosions, darker than the darkest night, flashed against it. The white column flexed and writhed, and then seemed to detonate in a blinding flash. Shockwaves circled the planet, as if it was a ringing bell. The white column dimmed as Q returned to his normal form. In front of him, the black cloud coalesced back into the black pharaoh of Nyarlathotep. Q ran the back of his hand across his forehead, and it came away wet with sweat. Q did not sweat like a primitive animal, but the sweat was a physical manifestation of the exertion of the fight. He frowned, knowing that he was weakening. This world was still in the lockbox dimension in which the Q had imprisoned the Great Old Ones, and here he had no access to the Continuum. He needed help, and fast. Suddenly, Nyarlathotep lifted his hands, and a swirling maelstrom of raw chaos began to swirl over his head. Q was appalled; his opponent was bringing out the very energies of the Heart of the Storm, the very core of chaos that bubbled at the center of the multiverse. He knew he could not stand up to that sort of energy. When he had fought the Trelane who wielded the Heart of the Storm, he had escaped through the space between dimensions, but he could not do that here. His mind raced. Suddenly, he had it. He snapped his fingers, and he disappeared in a flash of white energy. He was flying backwards through time, faster and faster. He needed to race to the Big Bang, and return to when the multiverse had been one. There he could reach out to the Continuum. As the Cone of Reality narrowed towards Primordial Singularity, he slowed. Suddenly, the raw energy of Nyarlathotep slammed into him, propelling him onward. He passed through the Singularity and on into the impossibility beyond. Q was beyond time and matter. Beyond light, beyond life, beyond sound. He adjusted his senses and looked into the Abyss. The Abyss looked into Q. Feeling horror beyond horror, Q beheld a bubbling, writhing pool of pure chaos. Great tentacles of energy and reality whirled, and mouths of pure unreality mouthed obscenities into the great void. “Azathoth,” Q whispered. A tentacle grabbed Q, and then another, and another. He felt his reality squeezed. He summoned all the energy at his command, and he flared in the darkness. The tighter the tentacles squeezed, the brighter he became, until an explosion of cosmic proportions detonated. A universe exploded away from the void. 'K.O.! ' Peeking through a gap in the block of stone at the door, Captain Picard saw the combatants disappear in a dark-and-light flash of energy. He sighed, not knowing who had won the contest. He quickly crawled over to Commander Data, and began a systems reboot on the android. Suddenly, the stone covering the doorway seemed to explode. Picard raised his arm to protect his eyes from the flying dust and stone chips. He lowered his arm in time to see a figure, seemingly cloaked in black fog, undulate in through the door. Its head was a horrid sight beyond anything in his worst nightmares. Picard screamed, and crawled backwards to the wall. * * * Back aboard the Enterprise, Picard was bound down on a bed in the sick bay. Lieutenant Worf looked at him with a serious look on his face. Commander Riker looked concerned but immovable. Counselor Troi looked from person to person, a helpless look etched on her face. And Doctor Crusher looked at him, tears rolling down her cheeks. “Riker...Will, you must let me go, it’s the end of the universe, don’t you understand?” he pleaded with his Number One. “The Great Old Ones, the Outer Gods, they’re coming!” Riker grasped Picard’s hand. “Data saw nothing unusual, Captain. You’re sick, and we must get you help." Picard let out a groan that turned into a sob. “They’re coming, Will. It’s the end of everything. The end of EVERYTHING!” Riker sighed, stepped back, and activated his communicator. “Bridge, this is Commander Riker, lay in a course for Tilonus IV and engage, Warp 6.” Picard looked up at the ceiling, straining every muscle against the restraints, and yelled, “Q!” There was no answer. Results Velma Dinkley: Jinkies! I mean...I mean...JINKIES! What happened? '''Johannes Cabal: Q was a very powerful being, among the most powerful that have ever existed or ever could exist. However, the Great Old Ones were in category beyond categories. They are the stuff of the chaos that exists around and beneath and beyond our reality. Velma: But...But, it was really Azathoth that destroyed Q, rather than Nyarlathotep. Cabal: What you must understand is that Nyarlathotep is a special creature amongst the Great Old Ones. He is Azothoth’s spawn, but also his avatar, his chief priest, and his representative. When Q fought Trelane in the novel, Q-Squared, Trelane employed the Heart of the Storm, the very chaos that is the home, and the very raw stuff of the Great Old Ones, and Q found that he did not have the power to oppose it. Trelane, however, was more or less an insane adolescent. Nyarlathotep, on the other hand, is a master of the chaos, a creature from beyond reality. For all his might, Q simply did not have the power to do more than stand before Nyarlathotep for a very short time indeed. It seems that no one can possibly stand against him. Velma: Sheesh! How can I sleep with that thought? Cabal: I doubt you will be able to. And perhaps you shouldn’t. Velma: Ugh. Well, the winner is the Chaos King, Nyarlathotep. * * * Extract from Star Trek: The Next Generation: Q-Squared by Peter David: “Chaos is real,” Q said. “As real as this ship, and you, if you know where and how to look for it. Chaos is one of the core fabrics of reality. It lurks in that center of real unreality that we of the Q Continuum refer to as the Heart of the Storm. And if you are able to tap that incredible power, then nothing can stop you. The cost, however, is...considerable.” “And what is the cost?” asked Crusher. “Sanity,” said Q flatly. “And that just for starters.” Trivia References Poll How many stars would you rate Nyarlathotep vs. Q? 5 stars 4 stars 3 stars 2 stars 1 star Category:What-If? Death Battles Category:I'm Lynda Category:'Anti-Hero vs. Villain' Themed Death Battles Category:'Energy' Themed Death Battles Category:Future Themed Death Battles Category:"God vs. God" Themed Fights Category:"Male vs Male" Themed Death Battles Category:Omnipotent Battle Category:"Space" Themed Death Battles Category:Completed What-If? Death Battles Category:What-If? Death Battles completed in 2019